Leadership has always been personal.
But I would argue that today, it has become deeply personal.
Over the last few years, leaders have been asked to navigate unprecedented change. We’ve led through a global pandemic, political division, economic uncertainty, workforce shortages, funding challenges, technological disruption, and shifting expectations around work itself. At the same time, we’ve continued navigating our own personal realities—our relationships, our families, our finances, our health, and our own hopes and disappointments.
Somewhere along the way, many of us learned how to keep leading while quietly disconnecting from ourselves. Not because we wanted to, but because we thought we had to.
Leadership development has traditionally prepared us to think strategically, communicate effectively, solve problems, manage conflict, and inspire others. Those are all essential skills, and they always will be. But I’m beginning to wonder if they’re enough for the moment we’re living in.
Because what happens when the greatest leadership challenge isn’t external? What happens when the greatest challenge is remaining connected to yourself while carrying the weight of leadership?
I’ve spent the last several years asking that question—not just as a consultant, but as someone trying to make sense of my own experiences and the experiences of the leaders I serve. Along the way, I realized something that surprised me. The issue wasn’t that I’d forgotten how to lead. The issue was that I had become disconnected from the person doing the leading.
That realization has reshaped the way I think about change.
For years, I taught SHIFT as a way of helping people move from where they were to where they wanted to be. That work still matters, but I’ve come to believe there’s another question we have to answer first.
How do we actually move? How do we make shift happen? Because the how matters more than the what. Is it possible to make big moves and stay connected to who we are? Can we move and stay grounded, authentic, and aware of our value and self-worth? Or do we have to get lost in the shuffle?
The more leaders I talk with, the more I believe that this is the question beneath so many others. Burnout is often a symptom. Decision fatigue is often a symptom. Feeling stuck is often a symptom. Even conflict within teams can sometimes be a symptom. Beneath all of those experiences is a leader trying to navigate complexity without losing their sense of self.
That’s why I’ve become convinced that leadership as usual is no longer enough.
One of my favorite definitions of leadership has always been that it’s influence—nothing more, nothing less. But today, I find myself asking, influence at what cost?
Leadership has always required courage. Today, it also requires practices that help us stay connected to ourselves while carrying the weight of the work.
We need ways to give voice to our personal truths, even when they deviate from the company line. We need places to ventilate when we’re the spokesperson presenting decisions we fundamentally disagree with. We need opportunities to reconnect with our values, our bodies, and our sense of self before we walk into the next meeting or make the next difficult decision.
That kind of work takes a toll. It doesn’t simply affect our calendars or our productivity; it affects our humanness. If leadership is going to be sustainable, we have to create space for that reality—not as something we do after hours or on vacation, but as a practice woven into the work itself.
Because the goal isn’t simply to become a better leader. It’s to become the kind of leader who can continue serving others without abandoning themselves in the process.
The leaders our organizations, families, and communities need most aren’t the ones who have learned to carry more.
They’re the ones who have learned to stay connected to themselves while carrying what matters.
